I watched Bad Moms last night and there was a scene where the three main characters were seated at the bar. They were drinking and discussing their mum fantasy – their dream for a perfect day that had nothing to do with being a mum.
And it got me thinking – what is my mum fantasy?
So many ideas popped into my mind – whole days spent in bed not moving an inch, sitting in a pool with a cocktail, sitting in a hammock surrounded by donuts that are all within arms reach. So many possibilities. But what is my ultimate mum fantasy.
And I have finally decided…
It would be a cool rainy day making it darker than usual in the morning. I would wake any time after the hour of 7 am. I would lie in bed looking at my phone until I decided to get out of bed. The house would be completely empty – no dogs, no fiancé and no kids. There would be a deliciously hot latte waiting for me next to a plate of bacon, eggs, haloumi and sourdough toast. I would eat this while reading a magazine or newspaper… or both if I am feeling dangerous. I would then have a long hot shower. I might even sit down for a little bit. I would then slowly get dressed, trying on multiple outfits until I was happy with what I was wearing.
I would then jump into my car and head to Westfield. I would put my extremely lightweight handbag over my shoulder and stride into the air-conditioned centre. I would find a nice coffee shop and enjoy another coffee and a little pastry because in my fantasy, there is no such thing as a mummy tummy. I would sit there until I felt like I was ready to get up – no screaming kids determining when I should leave my half-drunk coffee. When I was ready, I would simply rise from my seat and walk.No picking up random bits of food off the floor or wiping down goodbers off the table. Just rise, and walk. Bliss!
I would then go to Seed. I would spend as long as I liked in the change room making sure I chose coordinated pieces. I would choose accessories, bags and shoes. I would then put the purchases on my never ending debit card. I would then head to a massage parlour and get a head massage, followed by a manicure and pedicure at the nearest nail salon. I would then stroll slowly to the cinemas, chose the cheesiest chick flick, pick my gold class seat and then go on to buy a large popcorn, a pink slurpee and a family size packet of maltesers (no mummy tummy remember!).I would watch the movie from start to finish and not move the entire length of the film.
Shortly after the movie finishes, I would go to sushi train, say ‘table for one’ and slot into a seat straight away – no wait time. I would then take my seed purchases and go to the car. I would drive home blaring my expletive song choices. I would then walk into the house, my clothes would miraculously have hung themselves and a bath, with all my favourite Lush products, would already be filled and waiting for me. I would sit in it for close to an hour reading an Alex Cross novel. I would then hop out, get dressed in my pajamas and eat pad thai on the couch watching Criminal Minds episodes back to back. I might also eat some Nutella straight-out-the-tub. Who am I kidding? I would definitely eat Nutella straight out the tub.
I would then go to sleep whilst the cleaning fairies did my chose. I wouldn’t wake until the following morning. No interruptions-no waking to babes or snoring or dogs needing to pee. Just a good old teenage-tara sleep.
Would love to hear your mum fantasy
The Archibald Files 