From a young age, I was always taught that everybody is different. From my kindergarten class to my senior school years, individuality was celebrated. I was encouraged to voice my opinions but also accept those that shared ideals different to my own. I was told to celebrate differences and learn from the beliefs and concerns of others especially when they differed from my own. I was taught never to demean or belittle someone who had an thought differently to me, because I could always learn more from them.
I am certain I was not the only one taught this growing up. Right?
Because these days, something seems to happen between those younger years and entering adulthood. I don’t know whether it is arrogance, our ability to become ‘invisible’ via social media or an actual shift in society’s ideals, but the idea that others are actually allowed to have opinions different to our own, is suddenly something we take offence to.
For a long while I have just passed it off as ‘the Australian way’. The Australian Way being that there is a fine line between being loved and applauded by the Australian audience and being chewed up and spat out for being too opinionated, too arrogant and therefore too annoying. I should mentioned that this line also happens to be an impossibly thin one. I am talking, one tiny filament of a string thin meaning it is very hard to successfully tread. I have seen celebrities, TV personalities and media types praised and encouraged for their individuality, talents and opinions and in the very next moment they have being callously torn down by those same, previously adoring crowds. I have always seen this as just what Australians do. We seem to love to build people up, but when we feel they get too high or successful, we quickly tear them down and claim we are ‘keeping them grounded’. But I am no longer buying it. I think by offering the “Australian Way” as a reason, it gives the public an excuse instead of making them accountable.
Since becoming a mother, I have taken a big interest in blogging and especially those bloggers who write about motherhood. Two of them in particular being Constance Hall of Queens of Constance and Mel Watts of The Modern Mumma. I have watched these two mums be rallied around by a big following of mothers and parents and continuously praised for their honesty, opinions and voicing their beliefs. But in recent months, I have also seen them be spectacularly torn down and squashed by the same followers. It made my blood boil.
Now, before I continue I want to point out the obvious. Yes these women have chosen to write, voice, record and video their lives and opinions. Making the choice to do this is not in any way narcissistic, but rather to create and build a platform. This platform is to ensure that no one feels alone in their triumphs and losses when it comes to birthing and raising children. They are there to make others feel less embarrassed, less isolated and also to help them laugh a little when nothing else seems to work. Before this, what did we have? Midwives, health workers, doctors, our friends and family telling us one thing or another and if that wasn’t what was happening to us, or that advice wasn’t fixing the problem, mothers were often left feeling lonely, like they were struggling or failing. This platform opens its arms and gives us a virtual hug when we need it and a high five when its due. They have opened my eyes and in many cases, opened up conversations I might have otherwise been too nervous or embarrassed to have.
On the other hand, the downside of them being so honest and open with their life and opinions is that they leave themselves exposed.
Now I would like to bring you back to the education I received as a child – that a difference in opinion is to be celebrated, accepted and should be used to educate ourselves on peoples invidiaulity. There have been many times that these two women, and other bloggers, have written about things that I don’t agree with. Sometimes I shake my head and just say “NUP” as I read. But I accept that whatever their opinion, thought and activity is, it is theirs, it works for them (and probably 1000s of others) and that’s that. Full stop. I MOVE ON. Both them and their families are happy, healthy and are functioning well. We differ in our opinions yet us and our families are both better than ok.
What I don’t understand is why people need to go out of their way to make women like Mel and Constance feel bad for their choices. They literally stop, calculate a purposefully nasty reponse and despite being given time to re-think their decision, they still go ahead and think it’s the right thing to do. It seems like that these awful people who write these nasty comments think that if they don’t try and bring that person down for doing or thinking differently to them, their computer or phone will surely blow up in their face and they will burn to death. That is the only legitimate reason for them making such horrible remarks.
Why do people feel like they have to tear others down? Do they think that what they are saying is right? That they are being nice? Do they walk away feeling better about themselves? I’m actually really interested in how people justify why they do it.
Well, in all my infinite wisdom, I have news for you: For all you haters and trolls who go out of your way to make someone feel bad for their parenting or life choices – you are simply being a d*ck. Now, you might come back and say to me “But right now you are going out of your way to be mean…” Well actually, no I am not. I am being honest. Stating a fact.
In the words of Nikki Gogan (Bachelor, 2016) “..blowing out someone else’s candle does not make yours burn brighter”. This my new philosophy. Because it is true.
You posting/typing/saying your nasty, well thought out response that outlines your disdain or disagreement is not going to change that persons mind. It is not going to make them suddenly realise “Now why didn’t I think of that!?”. We are humans with history who live our lives in a way that is shaped by the experiences and lessons learnt from our pasts. You taking a stab at them is not going to change years of experience, thought processes and life lessons.
I am all for freedom of speech. But I am also all for being a good and kind person who considers the weight that said ‘speech’ might have on those receiving it.
So people of Australia, social media, the world, just stop. Scroll on. Be accountable for the effect your words and actions might have on someones opinion of themselves. Spend the time it would have taken you to come up with that ahmazzzing response and do something nice with it. I dare you.
If you made it to the end… soz, it was a long one.
xx
The Archibald Files 