Becoming a mum has been the best thing I have ever done. Not only do I get to raise two of the coolest kids I have ever met (bias), but it has also taught me to be a more understanding and patient person.
However, there is one thing that I did not expect when joining the exclusive ‘mum club’ – that it would often resemble The Plastics.
If you aren’t aware of these so called ‘Plastics’ then you need to watch Mean Girls (you will not regret it). But in a nutshell, The Plastics are an exclusive group of girls who ‘rule the school’. They dictate style and behaviour as well as the does and the don’ts. Essentially they set what is considered right and wrong and everyone must follow. If they don’t like you or you don’t follow their ‘rules’, you end up being ostracised or in the burn book.
I’m sad to say that the longer I have been a mum, the more the mum club reminds me of the Plastics.
I read a very sad Instagram post written by a very kind, caring and nothing but helpful mum who divulged that she was publicly shamed, by another mother, for her parenting choices. Said mum actually pointed her finger directly at her and publicly judged her. Erm… What?
When I read this, I definitely angry-whispered some expletives and went on a rant to my fiancé, who by the end resembled someone in a vegetative state he was that un-interested. Talking to him was not cathartic, which is why I am bringing it up now. [Warning: It’s a long one].
Some mothers (not all) should be ashamed of themselves. Especially those who use their social media to publicly put down another mothers.
MOTHERHOOD IS MOTHER EFFING HARD.
But do you now what it is even harder than the hardest moments of motherhood? Being put down by other mothers.
Mum guilt is the number one confidence squasher when you become a mother. You are consistently second, triple and quadruple guessing your decisions when you are a mum. It is rare you can be completely confident that the decision you are making is right, but you make the choice that is best for you and your kids. Do you know what is even harder than that? Having someone else negatively comment on your choices. What gives anyone the right?
I would never breastfeed my son until 25 months old? Way too long.
Breast is best….
but never in a public arena.
Co-sleeping? You are creating clingy children with separation anxiety.
(Gasp!) How dare you feed your children that disgusting, toxic store bought baby food that has passed all health regulation tests and is a thousand times healthier than that dominoes pizza I ordered last night? Don’t you know you should be hand picking your organic vegetables and making your baby fresh food daily.
Don’t you know your nappy consumption is completely destroying your environment.
Who has time to poop-scoop, clean and wash cloth nappies.
Stay at home mum? What do you do all day?
Working mum? Why have children at all?
Day care once a week and you don’t work? Lazy.
Putting your children’s face on social media! You are asking for trouble.
Your kid walks around in a child restraint! How gastly.
Just chuck your three year old on the toilet – he should not be wearing nappies any more.
I could go on by quiet frankly I am exhausted thinking about all the terrible things mothers say to each other. It makes me feel sick to think that after labour, sleepless nights and putting our children’s needs ahead of everything else in our lives, we cannot just keep our opinions to ourselves and be happy for all the other mothers, who like us, are doing the hard yards it requires to raise children in today’s society.
You know that saying, “don’t throw stones in a glass house”? We need to all live by it since:
NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!!!! There is no single right way to raise a child. There is just the way you raise your child. You do not have the right to make someone else feel bad about their choices simply because you are incapable of keeping your thoughts to yourselves.
To all those mothers who find it absolutely necessary to point out to another mother what they ‘feel’ is so wrong about their parenting choices, think about this
- is their child smiling?
- is their child happy?
- is their child having fun?
- is their child loved unconditionally?
The answer is most likely yes to all of these questions, so quiet simply, SHUT THE HELL UP.
Mothers are amazing creatures. Just the other day during an exercise class, my fitness teacher was bouncing her baby in a carrier whilst joining in on squats whilst shouting words of encouragement whilst happily answering her four year old daughters questions. Mothers are amazing creatures. We are under the pump 24/7 with our mind being pulled in a thousand different directions. Not only by our children and family’s needs, but also by our own harsh scrutiny. We don’t need external opinions and negative off hand comments to drag us down or add to the weight of our already existent mum guilt.
We need to build each other up, support each other and accept that some women choose to raise their children differently to us. Whatever your comment or opinion, chances are that mother already knows and therefore doesn’t need your input. Especially during a period where post-natal depression is often more likely than not.
I am so sick of feeling like I am in a high school governed by the ridiculous rules of The Plastics. I don’t need your dos or your dont’s. All I need is to feel supported, encouraged and to feel like I am on the right track.
We don’t need to tear other mothers down to cement the fact we are all great mums.
To all those women who have ever been made to feel like crap due to another mothers comments just remember these wise words.
The Archibald Files 